Looks like Mr. Z has several questions that need answering. Good thing I have initiated the Pre-Columbian Mayan Daykeeper Wisdom segment.
The question that I shall tackle is: Who is a bigger badass? Streets of San Fransisco's Steve Keller, played by none other than Michael Douglas, or Hawaii Five-0's Steve McGarrett, played by the legendary Jack Lord.
Well, well little Mikey. Nothing like a no-doubter to kick off this segment. Steve McGarrett is, no question, the bigger badass. While Steve Keller is very suave, he is just a buddy cop. Plus everyone knows Mike Stone solves all his cases for him.
Urbandictionary.com defines badass as:
"The epitome of the American male. He radiates confidence in everything he does, whether it's ordering a drink, buying a set of wheels, or dealing with women. He's slow to anger, brutally efficient when fighting back.
The badass carves his own path. He wears, drives, drinks, watches, and listens to what he chooses, when he chooses, where he chooses, uninfluenced by fads or advertising campaigns. Badass style is understated but instantly recognizable. Like a chopped Harley or a good pair of sunglasses: simple, direct, and functional."
McGarrett and Keller are what most American (and billions of non-American) males idolize. Both work to make America a better and safer place. Both despise crime. Most importantly, both have fantastic hair.
However, once you delve deeper - beyond their good looks - you will see the Keller is just a speck of dust in the shadow of McGarrett. First off, McGarrett was a Naval Intelligence Commander who eventually resigned to become head of Hawaii Five-0 - because he hates crime that much. Little Stevie Keller was a college grad who became an Assistant Inspector in San Francisco with no prior background in police work. He was assistant to a 20 year old veteran who told him what to do. It is said that only "the Governor and God" can tell McGarrett what to do - and even they have trouble (Episode 1: Full Fathom Five). Keller's job is to get told what to do - by a senile old man, nonetheless. McG 1 Kelly 0
McG chose mother flipping Hawaii to conquer. It has absolutely perfect weather all year round, women in bikinis, and active volcanoes. Kelly chose San Francisco. It features hilly streets, Rice-a-Roni, and the Giants. McG 2 Kelly 0
When it comes to fashion, both have impeccable taste. Kelly sports the street-clothes detective look which not only smart, but also very easy for him to work and pick up chicks. McG tends to wear the exact same suit to work every day, with the occasional exchange with Danno. Don't get me wrong, he looks damn good in that navy blue suit. Any why shouldn't he wear it everyday? Superman wore the same suit for 80 years. But when he dresses casual, he borders on looking like a fool, donning cliched Hawaii garbs with flowers thrown up all over them and godforsaken Hawaiian cowboy hats. McG 2 Kelly 1
Crime fighting is, without a doubt, McG's forte. He only takes off from work for karate and haircuts, which are absolutely necessary. Kelly is always coming back from vacation, usually upset that he has to get back to work. McG HATES crime. He gets passionately upset over everything from murder to espionage to syphilis - yes...even syphilis. When he makes the arrest he usually has a witty phrase like "Aloha, suckers" to throw out there. Keller has no funny lines - Mike Stone takes care of those. McG 3 Kelly 1
Both have some of the most beautiful locks that ever gleamed on the little screen. McGarrett's hair not only resembles the great Hawaiian waves, but it also is the embodiment of the American Dream. Trust me...it just does. Kelly is just vain. McG 4597 Kelly -126
Obviously this is a landslide so I will wrap this up with saying that in no way is Kelly a bigger badass than Steve McGarrett. McGarrett beat polio and Communist China and shot bad guys to stop overcrowding Hawaiian prisons. Keller was murdered in the 1992 TV movie and had to have Mike Stone even solve THAT crime for him.
So little Mikey. You should have made it "Stone vs. McGarrett." But don't cause I am tired of revealing to the world my obscene knowledge on both cops shows. Hawaii Five-0 has a CBS confirmed reboot in the works and Streets is also looking to be revived, so maybe we shall soon have a new battle.
Check out some amazing episodes of Hawaii Five-0 here:
http://www.cbs.com/classics/hawaii_five_0
4 comments:
Great response. Truly fantastic. I think you underestimated Steve Keller though. Keep in mind it was being the victim of police brutality that inspired him to become a cop. I'd like to see you get beat down by the police and wake up the next morning with incredible hair, don a turtle neck, and join the force. Sure Mike Stone calls the shots, but he is the best in San Francisco. And you got to learn from the best.
I am glad you enjoyed my response. My current employment situation allows me to become a CBS cop show expert whether I like it or not.
It's all fine and dandy that lil
Kelly was inspired to become a cop after they beat the hippie out of him at Berkeley, but if he really wanted to clean up the force shouldn't he have entered Internal Affairs? Cops clean up the streets, not themselves.
The only internal affair Steve Keller is interested in is the one he is having with your mom
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