Common Cold: Fact or Fiction

So apparently summer is almost over. Tagging in my neighborhood has gone down, so with my powers of deduction I would hazard a guess that school has started. There are so many freshly erected building without a speck of spray paint on them. Makes me want to do something about that – you know, for the sake of art…

Anyway, I'm here to talk about those illnesses that come about with the change to cooler weather – specifically, the common cold. The cold is one of those things that even Jose Canseco could catch. With our so-called "advancements " in medical science, this little bugger has been like the weird uncle that always tells inappropriate jokes – annoying to no end, extremely uncomfortable and seemingly unavoidable. Also, known as Acute viral nasopharyngitis, or acute coryza, the common cold sounds absolutely lethal. This is obviously a way for doctors to tell the public that their jobs are really, really hard. How can they cure this dangerous sounding disease!? This is standard marketing procedure – make something seem like something it isn't to those who will never figure it out.

What it comes down to is no one really knows anything about the cold. No one actually goes to doctors for it because it's understood they can't do anything about it and have no desire to sit in a sterile environment with no pants for an hour. The drugstore has lots of delicious candies that only make you think you are getting better. They are more sugar than anything. See: placebo. You think you are getting better because the 'medicine' says you will. How do doctors get away with this mentality? I propose they simply use the Costanza Method of Conviction: “If you truly believe it, it isn’t a lie.”

Therefore, I submit that the common cold is a figment of the imagination and only exists in weak-minded people. It is just an agent of fear, fooling us into believing it is actually making us sick. This is why there is no cure. That’s why all we have to combat it is a sugar pill. That’s why the cold has several vague symptoms, linger for days, and is never second guessed. If you maintain the mentality that you will never get sick, I guarantee you will never suffer from the cold ever again. The cold is a lie and once you realize this you will be free.

When you want to skip work you tell your boss you have a cold, obviously. Why? Because he will respect the fact that there is nothing you can do and he doesn't want you to spread it to the rest of his worker drones. You want to avoid the "hello hug/kiss", say you have a cold. People act as it you have the plague. To quote the mob boss Carmine Falcone, "You always fear what you don't understand."

Well, now you understand…Don’t be afraid.